SHC Weekly Roundup: Week 4

SHC Weekly Roundup: Week 4


Well folks, the infamous “Week of Death” has come to pass, and it proved to be just that for a few teams down at ol’ Feeeeeei-Yannnnggggtastic Ice Skating Rink over the weekend. At one point, in a seemingly ironic (expected?) incident, emergency crews were called in to put out a blaze originating in the Lowered Expectations’ locker room due to a “carelessly discarded cigarette.” And wouldn’t you know it, folks – not 10 minutes after they left – the rescue crews were called back to help find frightened and disoriented rookie, Neville Hemming, who somehow wound up naked and afraid in the dark, ill-omened labyrinth that our cavernous storage room has become. Here’s hoping Hemming’s claims of being pulled into an “upside-down world” somewhere near the Night Splash equipment racks turns out to be more fiction than fact. But bad things happen in threes…right?


The monster Neville claimed he saw…


The Hamburglin’ bro he probably Did see…


Binqiu Beardogs 5 vs. Dirty Blues 4 (OT)

What a gosh darn barn burner, ladies and gents. If there was one game you should’ve made your girlfriend come out to watch this season, this was it. Actually, come to think of it, it’s probably better that you didn’t. This game had everything: sweet goals, nifty passes, deadly dangles, angry Swedes – you name it. Right from the drop of the puck this game was intense. It was a tight battle for a while, with both teams exchanging goals tit-for-tat. Janzy, Jofa, Browner, and Thorse Cock all connected on some beauty passes and odd-man rushes in what looked to be a dominating performance. At one point midway through the second half, it even looked like the Dirty Blues were going to cruise to a comfortable victory, but then some Swedish-speaking man model on the Blues’ bench decided to chirp Patrick ‘I’m gonna bring ya to your shanna na na na na na knees’ Ruiz in a delightfully mocking, yet musical, accent. And from that point onward, ‘Easy Breezy Ruizy’ flipped the switch, making a mockery of some of the best d-men in the league… on both teams… Figure that one out. He capitalized on some special teams opportunities, potting a shorty and a PP dinger to tie the game up before Ryan Harrison Ford let a clapper go from the hashmarks to drive the dagger home. The Patrick “here’s a hat-trick” show delivered lion heart Ryan Harrison a solid three goals on the night. Ruiz himself skated off into the sunset with 4 points of his own.

Luckily for us ‘normals’, the stupidly handsome and impossibly nice ‘Rowdy Roddy’ Ruiz left the rink without all of our wives on his arm.

Hamburglars 5 vs. Fog Devils 1

It goes without saying that one of the best things about the ‘burglars bench is that they’ve got 3 full lines of grinders (and ‘Grindrs’ – download the app and swipe right to find out more!). Fresh off their team-building get together at Parrot bar last weekend, the Hardworkin’ Hambies got to work fast, jamming the play in the neutral zone and picking off some ripe stretch passes – as the tenacious ‘burglars forecheck tends to do. It wasn’t long before ‘You done messed up, A-Aron’ Liu started sharing the turned-over loot with his fellow band of thieves, picking up three assists on some delicious dishes across the slot. All round good guy, Kemp Kristoffer Kollings (a decent, outstanding citizen who happens to wear a bright white helmet), was the recipient of a couple of those beauty saucers, burying the biscuit with symbolic pride. Joey ‘I still can’t drink in several countries around the world’ Barnaby continued his hot streak by potting one of his own. Not to be shown up, Foggy D’s forward, ‘Super Nintendo’ Nakata, snuck behind the Hambies’ dozy defense and struck twine on a nifty redirection when everybody least expected it. Hamburglars’ vets, Adam ‘#2’ Liu and ‘Jack Johnson’ Jackson also rocked a gino.



Binqiu Beardogs 5 vs. Hamburglars 2

Well, the Binqiu Bearbastards were at it again Saturday night, looking to end the weekend on a two-and-O tear, which they clearly did – look at the header, you friggen’ beaut. The game started off quick, with Patrick ‘top cheese’ Ruiz ripping a fricken’ laser beam through the ‘burgs defense directly into the top corner on the very first shift. Apparently Shin hadn’t even realized the puck had dropped yet. It wasn’t a good sign for the ‘burgs, who spent the rest of the game trying to figure out the dominant defensive pair-ups of: ‘if I’m lyin’ I’m Ryan’ Harrison and Jean Poutine Grim-yar-dreams, AND Jeff ‘how much of a generic hockey name is this?’ MacDonald and Neville ‘appeasement is my middle name’ Chamberlain.

Ruiz picked up a pair, while Stu ‘with or without chu’ Chan, Dan ‘I just learned how to play hockey and I’m better than you’ Wouskchziyeiek, and Will ‘no, I’m not related to Adam and Aaron’ Liu picked up one a piece. On the ‘burgs side of the fence, Action Jackson scored an identical goal to Friday’s and Franck Le Skank got a nice one, too.

Luckily for the ‘burgs, none of their trophy wives were there to watch Ruizy make it look easy.

Lowered Expectations 7 vs. Gingerbeards 1

With the biggest line up so far this year (9 players), Lowered Expectations showed no mercy to their elderly Gingers in their 7-1 victory. It was clear from the beginning which team would be pounding some geriatric ass on Sanlin’s crystal smooth ice. LE constantly got the puck in deep to the Grandfathers’ end, leaving the aged but ruggedly handsome Ginger bingers in trouble.

Scoring was started by LE’s own Yuzo ‘The Wasabi Rocket’ Tanabe in the game’s early minutes. However, Martin ‘The Miracle Pinky’ Magnan showed that hockey doesn’t need all 10 fingers by ripping the equalizer a few minutes later. After that, Captain ‘Sneaky Pete’ Helenius stepped up with two heavy boomers that changed the score to 3-1 in favour of the Black squad. The few thousand Lowered Expectations fans could hear the spines of the Gender-weirds snap. The rest of the game got rather chippy as LE continued to dominate. The ginger veneer started to crack when Jim ‘BullMoose’ Scotti started throwing bodies to the floor and pointing at his next victims indiscriminately.

The final tallies resulted in a hat-trick for Yuzo Yamada, 2 goals for Helenius, and a solid defensive effort by Rekrutiak and Longstreet (who was curiously well behaved and scoring goals like a goddam pro).

I said earlier that terrible things happen in threes… Well… it would seem that somebody crept up on Kevin Martini in his sleep and cut off his legendary ginger mullet we all came to know and love. It was shorn at some point last week, possibly on November 11th, leaving all the Gingerbeards in a deep fit of depression and sombre remembrance. 


“What the hell were they pointing at?”

“I don’t know, man. Wait, where the Hell is my wife!?”

“Hold on, let me Wechat Ruiz – it happens all the time.”

Dirty Blues 8 vs. Fog Devils 3

The DBs came into the Saturday game with some sour feelings from the Friday OT loss. After a slow start, when they were down 2:1, they eventually snapped out of the blues and dominated the rest of the game. Although missing key players such as Thor, Siggy, Dunn and Slaney, the night’s stellar performance was largely due to two nationalities: Japan and Sweden. For Japan, The B league call up Yuzo, who played on the first line with J&J (Jan/Jofa), scored a hat trick during his first performance in the A league. Moreover, the absolute beauty, Dr. Hide, scored his first goal of the season to mark a total of 4 snipes for the Japanese boys.

For the Swedish contingent, Frederick ‘The Nightmare on Elm Street’ Nyquist was flying around – like always – proving his place as one of the toughest defenders in the league (he was probably trying to work off his 3 penalties and ejection from the Friday game). Jofa proved, yet again, to be a true sniper and playmaker, and his strong leadership gave the DBs much needed support and confidence. Finally, the defensive pair known as ‘The Canadian Border’: Browner and Coley, had a strong weekend, making every forward who even thought about stepping over the line reconsider the trip. Overall, the DBs’ 3 points from the past weekend pushed them into the lead of the SHC A league. Just another strong signal to their opponents that they are getting stronger.

Ice Cocks 8 vs. The Chiefs 3

The Ice Cocks ran up the score on the listless, Leiskeless Chiefs in the midnight game on the weekend. Dyer, Aspell and Rice played solid D, giving up no real scoring opportunities and also joining in on the offence. Moving to forward, Manfred ‘Man Hands’ Ortmaier and Cam ‘Bon Jovi’ Bonspiel had great games. Orts set up ol’ slobby Cobbett with a beautiful pass from behind the net for an early goal and Bonspiel hurried hard to get one in on a greasy rebound in the second frame. Cobbet got the hat-trick plus 2 assists to pull away in the standings, while Dyer, Duke and Thompson (who had a pair) rounded out the scoring. Leon Li scored a beauty from the goal line (where it meets the boards) in the first, followed by Berg and Bergie, but it wasnt enough as the previously undeated Chiefs Fitzzled out in their first tough matchup of the season.

Posted by aaron
SHC Weekly Roundup: Week 3

SHC Weekly Roundup: Week 3

In the words of the late, great Lynard Skynard, “Tuesday’s Gone with the wind,” and wouldn’t you know it, folks – so is Week 3. It was a weekend of pain; it was a weekend of grain (whiskey); it was a weekend of faux-celebrity fame.

The madness kicked off on Friday night down at Ferocious ol’ Feiyang Figure Skating Arena, where the atmosphere was anything but girly. In a wacky turn of events, games were delayed due to a literal gang of preteen figure skaters refusing to leave the ice surface in time for the SHC’s first matchup of the evening. Luckily, after convincing them that Fever player Hugo Thalen was – in fact – Justin Bieber, a few autographs and dead-eyed selfies later, the awestruck gaggle of giggly teens left without further incident. (Good work, Thalen – we always knew your uncanny resemblance to the Biebz would be good for something).

The Hamburglars 4 vs. Fever 3 [s/o]

After hearing that the Hamburglars were without all-round stud, Adam “check out these dimples” Liu, Captain Custard Pie and his ever-yellow Fever squad hit the ice in high spirits, brimming to the ears with rabid confidence. ‘Mad’ Max Wendellin was out of the lineup due to some issues he encountered looking for gas out on Fury Road, but Brad “Da Beauty” Newly and Chippy Chop Chipman Chappers were ready to take a bite out of the ‘burgs.



Pictured above: “Slightly Annoyed Max”

Little did they know that Franck ‘the Tanck’ Saulnier and Aaron ‘Vicious and De‘Liu’icious’ weren’t ready to let the Hamburglars go down without a fight. And boy oh boy, did it ever get scrappy out there. It goes without saying, folks, that the players on these teams probably would’ve made a lot more sense on a roster in a full-contact league (…10-15 years ago, of course).

Brian ‘it was just a lil’ hitskis’ Pipskis, was first to speak to the game’s intensity: “well, you know,” he said, between fat rips on his super cool vaping device, “I was actually in a good place all game – mentally, ya know? I got this new flavor last weekend, and I installed a DIY mod in my coils so that my pulls whip up a thick build every toime, bro. Here, have a rip and just taste it – it’s Tiger Semen. You can’t blame me for gettin’ amped, bro.” (No word yet on whether the franchise sponsorship with the “Jurassic Vape” has been inked with the SHC. Rest assured we’re keeping our robotic appendages crossed).

After all the penalties and high emotions were killed off, the game itself ended in a tie, 3-3. Sweet snipes by Aaron ‘you merely adopted your hockey hair; I was born into it, molded by it’ Liu, Franck ‘Le Petanque’, and Shane ‘somebody call the WAHmbulance’ Anderson ensured the game would go to Overtoime. A solid performance by 13-year-old child prodigy, Joey ‘barely legal’ Barnaby, helped stop the Fever from capitalizing on some good chances late in the game. Nobody really knows for sure who scored for the Fever, as some irresponsible clutz, probably suffering the after-effects of a concussion (Isaac ‘life’s a fickle bitch’ McKitrick *cough cough*), spilled his beer all over the game sheets. However, rumor has it that Captain Custer keeps very detailed Corgi, Fenwick, and PDO stats from all the games.

The shootout was nothing short of ugly, as Barry ‘Bubs’ Roe was quick to point out, “That was just greasy boys, greasy. Greee-heeee-HEASY!” Fellow netminder, Brett ‘Super-Saiyan’ Syer, agreed: “Watching you idiots run each other out there was far more elegant than any… single… one… of those shoot-out attempts.” Aaron ‘Fu-Man-Liu’ was too busy combing his sparse facial hair to listen.



Pictured above: Brett Syer

Binqiu Beardogs 8 vs. Fog Devils 1

The second game of the evening got off to a quick start when ‘Boston’ Dan’s Beardogs hit the ice with a full squad of hungry hungry hipp-beauties. Unfortunately for the Fog Devils, a lack of attendance and general sense of apathy emanating from their locker room before the game was a sign of the dog’s breakfast (pun fully intended) of a match that was soon to follow. It was peculiar that even returning SHC veteran, ‘Joaquin’ Jared Kubas, couldn’t seem to concentrate on anything other than the Siri function on his phone, which he unabashedly held conversations with instead of focusing on the upcoming game.

It was as though the Bear-bastards could smell the apprehension on the Devil’s bench before the puck drop. It wasn’t long before the (up until this point win-less) Binqiu Beauts started lighting up a grossly unprepared, and generally gross, Karl the Kraut. To be fair, he wasn’t getting much help from Devil’s top defensive pair of ‘Ruby Ruby Ruby’ Truby and a feathery-moustachioed Kubas. The Bad News Beardicks sent a strong message, lighting the lamp 3 times in the first 6 minutes of the game.



An intoxicated Soggy D’s forward, Albert ‘what an odd first name for a Russian’ Almukhametov, had this to say at the half: “Vat, jus becauwz you Sink I do nat know vat is going on right now, you sink zat I cannot drink more? Unh — UNH??!!” There was no official measurement of how much Russian Standard vodka was consumed during the break, but folks, if you could’ve seen his breakaway attempt in the second half, you’d understand that it must’ve been a lot.

All credit to the Bearrrrrjewwwwwws, whose 1st round pick, Handsome McHandsome Face, sniped a hat-trick and added two helpers; 2nd round pick, Cutie McBlue Eyes, got one of his own with three helpers; and 3rd round pick, Chiseled McAbsfordays, picked up a Tim Horton’s double-double.

Saturday Night Action:

Gingerbeards 3 vs. Ice Cocks 2

In what would ultimately prove to be a test of Stamina, and preteen innuendo, the Gingerbeards stayed firm and outlasted the somewhat flaccid Ice Cocks in their first rendezvous of the season. The return of the G’beards #1 pick, Martin “The Trojan” Magnum, provided the staying power needed to keep the beards in the lead throughout the contest, pounding his way in and out of the crease repeatedly early in the first half and depositing the 1st of his two goals.


Pictured above: Midori, with the clapper from the point!


The Beards defense kept stiff, and with some solid backchecking by the rest of the team, blocked everything they could, only allowing one cock tally to split the pipes in the first half of the game. That was enough to get the beards back on the offensive thrust prompting Dennis aka “large-one” Larcombe to pound one home from the point to put the beards back on top early in the second.


Through the fog

A brief spurt by the cocks in the second half to tie it up proved unsatisfying to the crowd and was followed up shortly with Magnum jamming yet another “Biscuit in the Basket” for the go ahead goal, consummating the beards’ first win of the season. Several cocks were later seen after the game in the pharmacy trying to load up on some “little blues” using fake scripts. When asked for a comment on the game they flipped up their collars and pretended they didn’t know us.


Above: The ‘Manimal’ Manfred, breakin’ it out

Chiefs 2 vs. Night Splash 0
Ice Cocks 4 vs. Night Splash 3 [OT]

The Night Splash dropped a pair on the night to the Cocks and Chiefs, in what was supposedly a hilarious affair. Apparently, it took J. McKelvey all night to capitalize on an absurd number of perfect feeds from fellow splasher Angel ‘I can’t believe he missed… again’ Wang.



No word yet on whether any members of the Chiefs club are literate – I think they were too busy trying to vote for Trump. Maybe next week, folks!


Stay safe out there and keep your stick on the ice!

*The SHC WHOLEHEARTEDLY condones giving a damn about politics. But REGARDLESS of how this thing turned out, we’re excited for the new influx of American players that should be moving to Shanghai any moment now…

Posted by aaron
SHC Weekly Roundup: Week 2

SHC Weekly Roundup: Week 2

Good Golly Miss Molly, Folks! You won’t believe the excitement that transpired down at dirty ol’ Fanny-Feiyang Arena this past weekend. We had fans throwing tear gas onto the ice, drunken Czechs pouring beer onto the scoreboard console, and we even had an incident involving a visibly unnerved, bleary-eyed Kunlun cheerleader squad, a pants-less Peter Helenius, and an armed swat team. No word yet on when Helenius will be out of jail, by the way.

Friday night was a doozy. And I do mean a ‘doozy’ – Two games! get it? Ahhhhhhh, Deux… no? That’s okay, our Frenchy contingent fully understands. They’re just too busy eating baguettes and checking their delicate jawlines in the mirror to take notice.

First up it was the “Get Lo wit ur Ex” crew (Lowered Expectations), who managed to shave the G Beards despite losing many players to injuries like, “Beaver Knee”, “Fondued Nerves” and “Bang Cock Itch” (which has ‘spread’ through the SHC like wildfire this week). It’s worth noting that the Gingah Beards were missing their top pick, Martin Magnan, who is reportedly suffering from “an undisclosed lower body injury” after he apparently fainted while looking at his handsome French face in the mirror for too long. The Magnan-less found the net in both periods but it wasn’t enough against Harvey “He Man’s” goal and Simon Pinard’s well-supported hat trick.

Next up was the Ice Cocks, who moved to 2-0 with a decisive win over the now 0-2 Night Splash with a 6-1 well-lubricated pounding. The Splashers got on the board early with a shot from outside the blue line that seemed to change direction on the way to the net… as pucks rolling on their side tend to do. Continued pressure from the Splashers created some panic on the IC bench, but it was short lived as the tying goal was tucked in before the first period ended. The floodgates opened in the 2nd frame with 5 unanswered goals. Cobbett and Thompson each had 2, while Dyer got his 2nd of the season. Strong play on the wings helped move the puck up ice with great games from Matt Zhang, Midori and Cason Li, while work in process, d-man Manfred Man Ortmaier, made solid plays. No word yet on when that new mountain of salt building up underneath Darry Buke’s equipment rack will be cleaned up. It’s just too bitter to deal with, according to the usually amenable arena staff.

Then there was Saturday… a night of surprise, a night of demise, a night to remember… for the Dirty Blues, anyway.

In the first game of the evening, a severely short-benched Dirty Blues squad (6 skaters!) rallied to defeat the Fever in a shootout thriller that will haunt Fever Captain Custer’s dreams for at least another 3 seasons. The final score was 4 -3 on the board for 2 points in the standings, but it was 100 – 0 on the ego and 10 Hail Mary’s for the Fever’s team spirit. In their second game of the evening, the boys in Dirty Blue continued to shock and awe by coming back from yet another deficit and defeating the Hamburglars in a shootout, 5-4. With only 6 greasy grinders pumping on all cylinders, Andy “I’ve got sick abs” SigmundFreudz showed up big toime with 4 ginos and an apple on the night. Perpetual beauty, Janzy D-Lick Velich, sniped a fawkin’ beaut in the shootout – on Barry doe-eyed Roe, no less!!! Props, gentlemen. Props.

Luckily for balance in the universe, both the Fever and Hamburglars got their collective shit together after their mind-numbing initial losses to the devious Dirt-bag Blues. They both went on to smash a mystified Fog Devils squad who dropped two games to two VERY ANGRY teams who had a lot to prove.

The fever dominated the first half and got on the board first when Hugo ‘the biebs’ Thalen made his way to the front of the net and outmuscled two hapless Fog Devil defenders for the puck and scored off a rebound. It wasn’t long before the FDs called upon their satanic magic to temporarily bedevil the Fever netminder and score a goal shortly before the intermission.

The fever took the lead early in the second half when Thalstin Sweiber scored on a slick backhand snipe. The goal had the near capacity crowd beliebing another Fever victory was inevitable. However, the FDs fought back admirably as Nakata crashed the net and picked up the trash, like any respectable Japanese citizen would.

The game remained tied at 2 until, with 30 seconds left, Brad ‘fitness is an addiction’ Newly scored the game-winning goal the same way he responds to his students – with a well-placed backhand.

The Burglars also took out their frustration on the Devs, who by this point in a night of double-headers probably just wanted to be doing something else. A relentless storm of brotherly Liu love lit the lamp for a combined 14 points on the evening. Fog D’s captain, Hans-suck ass, could be heard lamenting from the bench, “If only I’d drafted more hybriiiiids! IF OONLLLYYYYYY!!!!! PPPPIIIIIIIIIII——-ZZZAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

A special shout-out to the gloriously handsome Swedes on their win in the Bangkok tourney! It should be noted that many of these male-models play for the Dirty Blues regularly, so the rest of the SHC needs to stop assuming Justin ‘Brown-Town’ and Daryl ‘Dime-bag’ Slaney are too intoxicated to flip the fawwwkin’ switch.

Posted by aaron
SHC Weekly Roundup: Week 1

SHC Weekly Roundup: Week 1

The Skinny:

Great News, Everybody!

After 4 weeks of attempting to decipher the coy responses from the management at the rink, and valiantly wrestling drunken KHL fans trying to steal our beer from the dusty basement we now call a storage room, the SHC finally kicked off its season.

Admittedly, many of us in the community have welcomed our new KHL overlords, but for the rest of the cagey vets out there, it’s been one Hell of a wait.

League games commenced Friday night in front of a sold out arena – though not for reasons you might think. Duped by a duplicitous Peter Helenius, confused hockey fans paid the premium price of “two smokes and a pouch of Snus” for tickets, fully expecting to see a game featuring Pavel Datsuk and Ilya Kovalchuk. Most were surprised/outraged to see that it was instead a magical night of Shanghai Hockey Club Beer Leaguers, in all their crass, yet majestic glory.


Ice Cocks started the season how they left off the last one, with a solid win. Mark Cobbett lead the way will two goals and an assist in a 4-0 win over Lowered Expectations. Steve Dyer and Taggart Thompson also scored for the Cocks while the solid D didn’t allow many shots on the two goalies, Casey and Finnigan. The LE squad was missing a few of their star players, which hurt them badly. First pick Markus Spahr missed the game due to a Toblerone overdose while star dman Chris Retrutiak was off hugging trees somewhere. No update on Retrutiak’s return, but reportedly he’s been having trouble finding an effective industrial-strength Japanese maple sap remover for his man parts.


In other matchups, the Fever – whose colour is yellow – started the SHC 2016-2017 season at a feverish pace!

On Friday, they trounced the Dirty Blues, who, given the amount of poorly grown facial hair on that team, ought to be called the Brutal Beards. The final score was a commanding 4-0. Highlights from this game included 14-year-old Justin Bieber look-a-like Hugo Thalen beating two defenders for one of his two goals, and Brian “Pipski” Pippard showing he has the moves to fake out himself, the other team, and the utterly disappointed capacity crowd with his sick – if not entirely intentional – dangles from the point.

It goes without saying that Dirty Beards captain Jan “Pansie Jansie” Velich was given a rude wake-up call and was forced to remember who the Fever were! “Mad” Max Wendelin and “Nice Guy” Newly had the other two goals for the Fever.

On Saturday, Fever went on to tame the Bingqiu Beardogs into Breastmilk Cubpuppies, who were whimpering for the Fever to stop putting the puck in the net during a 7-3 lashing! The charge was lead by Matthew “Hi-chew and Qingdao” Chapman (1g, 3a), newcomer Mike “Cous Cous” Cousineau’s delicious first ever SHC snipe, and Mike “McHustleNuts” McKevitt, who shut down SHC #1 overall pick Patrick “I wish I looked a bit more Swedish” Ruiz to only one goal. The game was iced by the Fever’s aforementioned Max Wendelin, who plunged three goals into the back of the net like a Roman warrior’s sword into the heart of his enemy, thus earning him the nickname “Maximus Goalius”,even though he is visibly Scandinavian.

Extreme caution is recommended to other teams of the SHC, as no known cure for the yellow-ish Fever has been found.


5 DB – 4 FD: It seemed the ‘sleepy blues’ were going to fall to an early demise after the Fog Devils went up 3:0 after only the first 10 minutes of play. However, the dirty boys-in-blue pulled their filthy socks up and dominated for the rest of the game. League legend, Jan Delicio Velicio, sniped 2 nasty tallies, while Jimothy Dunn and Thorse cock Thorston tagged on a couple more to make the game 4:4. The beauty GWG, a double-kill dangle followed by a snipe-a-saurus rex by Just-in-Nuff Browner, resulted in the first W on the season for the DBs. Although DBs (without renowned baby machine Slanedawg millionaire) still have some huge improvements to make, after some minor calibrations to their lineup, one could clearly feel the grease in the air as their confidence oozed out of their decrepit Snus-holes.

Posted by aaron
SHC Draft Party Notice (Multiple Languages)

SHC Draft Party Notice (Multiple Languages)

























或者添加其中一个队员的微信号:mattwwhately , kohlbrownbear, JimScotti , bgroe84 , Kev_in_sha , JPGrimard , Swishersweets, wxid_2qmac67ivb9712(官方SHC账号)




“Draft Party Fever, Baby!”

Ladies and Gentlemen:

Grab your suits out of the shop and dust off those wing tips, because the biggest soiree of the year is upon us. The revered Shanghai Hockey Club annual draft party is set for September 3rd. So bring along a buddy or the wife, girlfriend or a boyfriend, “special friend” or a furry – whatever makes you happy, really… and get ready for some free-flow alcohol, buffet meal, and light entertainment (and we do stress the word ‘light’).

Time & Location:

  • Tongmao Hotel
  • 357 Songlin Road, Pudong
  • 19:30 – 1:30


  • Business Casual

Food and Beverage:

  • Full buffet with Western and Asian selection
  • Free-flow alcohol


  • 250 per ticket (members only in advance) 300 at the door
  • 150 for +1’s




Don’t miss out on what might possibly be the best night out all year. Contact our exec team through the website: www.shanghaihockey.com, or one of the execs via WeChat id: mattwwhately, kohlbrownbear, JimScotti, bgroe84, kev_in_sha, JPGrimard, Swishersweets, wxid_2qmac67ivb9712 (Official SHC Exec Account)


See you there!







〇 場所&時間

  • 通茂酒店 Tongmao Hotel
  • 浦东新区松林路357号 357 Songlin Road, Pudong
  • 9月3日(土)19:30 – 1:30

〇 ドレスコード: ビジネスカジュアル

〇 食事と飲物: ブッフェスタイル(中華&洋食) アルコール飲み放題

〇 入場料

  • 250元(事前購入の場合)※当日券は300元です。なお、事前購入はエグゼメンバーを通じての支払となります。
  • 一人追加ごとに150元

〇 その他

  • リーグフィーは9月1日までにお支払ください。(リーグフィーを払っていない選手はドラフトに参加できませんのでご注意を。)
  • お問い合わせはウェブサイト、またはエグゼメンバーWeChatを通じてお願いします。

URL: www.shanghaihockey.com

WeChat id: mattwwhately, kohlbrownbear, JimScotti, bgroe84, kev_in_sha, JPGrimard, Swishersweets, wxid_2qmac67ivb9712 (Official SHC Exec Account)










Posted by aaron
Hockey Hands – ARC Charity Event

Hockey Hands – ARC Charity Event

On August 27th, Hockey Hands is hosting a charity concert at The Pearl Theatre. Come out to support us with the help of some of the brightest artists from Shanghai’s folk music scene. This is our last charity initiative until we start our SHC Hockey Hands program in the fall. At the event, ¥20 from all Mojito’s and 15% of all F&B sales go directly to our charities! Tickets are ¥100 and available from different ticket sellers and online at: https://www.tryclearcut.com/event/i67iJy5w

We are looking for sponsors and raffle prizes for this event to help raise money to help initiate our program. Please contact Jake and Cole for tickets or how to get involved @jakeyboy88 @ kohlbrownbear.

5:00 – Casey Westergaard
6:00 – Michael Schell
7:00 – Tribes Of Asaph
8:00 – One Hitter
9:00 – Evil Twin
10:00 – 双high
11:00 Grindhouse

Posted by aaron


To All Members,

The SHC is now accepting nominations for those wishing to join the SHC Executive Board for the 2016-2017 Season. If you, or someone you know, would like to run for a position on the Exec, please inform Matt Whately by Sunday, June 5, at 12pm.

The Exec consists of 7 members. There are 6 available positions.

Between June 5th and the year end party on Friday, June 17, all members may cast their votes for the nominees on shanghaihockey.com

On June 17th, we will announce the new SHC Exec.

SHC Exec


现上海冰球俱乐部接受2016-2017赛季董事会成员提名,如果你或任何你认识的人想要参与董事会席位竞选,请于6月5日中午12点前联系Matt Whately。


自6月5日至6月17日年终派对这段时间,所有俱乐部成员都可以在网站上投票。 shanghaihockey.com


SHC Exec

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Posted by aaron

Hockey Hands & Adoption Resources China – Fundraiser – Saturday, May 28th!

冰球手牵手和ARC: 明天请帮助我们帮助孤儿

Hockey Hands and ARC: tomorrow, please help us help the orphans.

We invite you to join us and support a new charity initiative that includes partners Adoption Resources China (ARC) and SHC Hockey Hands (HH) and is supported by the Rooftop Ruckus and Daga Brewpub.


我们邀请你加入我们,参与到这个慈善活动中。活动的发起者是ARC,SHC冰球手牵手(HH),并得到了Rooftop Ruckus和Daga Brewpub的支持。


HH supports local orphanages with English exposure, hockey instruction and other activities.  HH aims to give children with a tougher life something positive, like learning about hockey and teamwork while doing something active.




Adoption Resources China (ARC) is a fresh, new non-profit organization built within the Shanghai community, dedicated to providing resources for expatriate families in China who are interested in adoption. ARC intends to bridge foster and adoptive families with the agencies and processes needed to make life better for abandoned children of China.

Since kicking off in fall 2015, ARC has already supported 11 families and an additional six children are in the process of adoption!  Because ARC has been supporting all of these families free of charge, there is an urgent push to begin raising funds to support the organization.



Posted by aaron

Week 21 Summary – 第二十一周总结

The first of 2 heavyweight semi-final A division battles featured the offensive juggernaut Fog Devils, led by regular season 20 goal scorer Isaac McKitrick and the shutdown defensive Paper Tigers led by their captain J. P. Grimard. Both teams exchanged chances early and often but it was the 17 year old Johnny ‘Eh’ also known as Johnny ‘Eros’ Athanasopoulos (not just for his love of the game) who struck first with an upstairs beauty from the high slot. With the help from 2-way forward Yosef Natour, Johnny A stole the show scoring 2 more goals to complete his 2nd hat-trick of the year. The Fog Devil forwards were anything but fogy throughout the night, with Hugo Thalan, Shinho Kitamura and Zhiqiang Wang having good looks and odd man chances all game long. PT’s goalie Barry ‘Great’ Roe ‘of China’ weathered the storm until 2 seconds after the final horn where Kita scored to break the shutout. Final score, Paper Tigers 3, Fog Devils 1.

A级联赛中第一场重磅级半决赛在常规赛进球20粒的Isaac McKitrick带领的进攻机器Fog Devil队与J.P. Grimard带领的防守城墙Paper Tiger队之间进行。两队很快进入状态,并互有机会,但打破僵局的是17岁的“某”Johnny,他的远射直勾球门右上死角,十分漂亮。之后,在双面前锋Yosef Natour的帮助下,Johnny A 再次技惊四座,用又两记漂亮的进球完成了自己赛季中第二个帽子戏法。但是Fog Devil队的前锋也绝非等闲之辈,Hugo Thalan, Shinho Kitamura 和王志强都有很不错的表现,只是幸运女神自始至终都没有站在“雾魔”的身边。同时,Paper Tiger队的守门员Barry Roe一直到比赛的最后2秒都没有松懈放手,Kita在最后时刻才打进Barry的球门,避免了半决赛被剃光头的尴尬。最终比分,Paper Tigers 3, Fog Devils 1。

In the B semi final match, the red hot ducks coming off an easy win from the no show hairy crabs were in for a tight game. After a scoreless first, APL got nailed for 2 quick penalties which gave the ducks a sweet 5 on 3 power play. After winning the draw clean Ken, played the puck back to Tomy where he unleashed a howizter into the goal net to take a one to nill lead. Apl crawled its way back to tie it up after a face off in the ducks end sent the puck directly to Shama who fought off Simon to tap the puck across the line. Late in the third, lightening quick Bergie snapped up the puck behind the APL keeper for a nice rap around goal, this brought out the furry of the APL bench as they thought it was an offside. Late in the third the refs made it up to APL buy giving LARGE a cheap holding penalty. Ducks fought off the 6 on 4 and went on the win and head again back to the championship final!

于4月9日周六的B组半准决赛事中, 如日中天的DUCKS在当天紧凑的赛事中将多人缺席的大闸蟹队轻易干掉。
然后于4月16日对阵APL的赛事中, 在第一节在还未有得分的情况下, APL被判两次犯规, 这让DUCKS轻易得到5人对3人的优势。首先在抢球时由DUCKS的队长KEN将球后清脆的后传给队友TOMMY, 然后TOMMY将所有力量爆发于一记抽射, 冰球如炮弹般打进龙门, 先声夺人一球领先。在另一次抢球环节中, APL重整旗鼓, 冰球传到SHAMA手上, 他挣脱了SIMON的阻挠, 然后将球打进龙门。
情况相当紧凑,在第三节最后阶段, DUCKS的BERGIE以灵活快速的走位, 正当APL误以球是滑行出界ICING的时候, BERGIE截球成功, 以一记抽射, 将球打到对方龙门, 成功得分。在最后阶段, APL败局而成, DUCKS的LARGE因一次轻微犯规, 让APL以6对4的对决, 但可惜已经没法改变局势, 如日中天的DUCKS成功进入总决赛。

Ice Cocks won with goals by Duke, Spahr, and defenseman Dorris and Corriveau. Puckhounds didnt do anything noteworthy other than lots of puffy shots on Karl the goalie which he handled easily. IC’s are looking forward to playing an impressive Duck team on Saturday.

IceCocks击败PuckHound太监4-0。杜克,斯帕尔,CORRIVEAU和DORRIS打进IC进球。 KARL是完美的目标

Posted by aaron

Week 19 Summary – 第十九周总结

Photo credits/致摄影师: Joseph Hu (Wechat/微信: liebgott1986)

Contact Joseph for high resolution pictures: 1 – 20RMB; 6 -100RMB

可以添加Joseph的微信获得高分辨率的照片: 20元/张,每6张100元

For more pictures, please see the SHC gallery at/如果想看更多的照片看这里:


In this week’s matchup against The Broke Penguins… I mean Killer Pandas… The Drunk Vikings went all out the first period, led by Captain, and head Viking, “Sigve Can’t-Stop Klepsvik”. Unfortunately, in a Panda charging incident, the Vikings were penalized for getting attacked and the Killer Pandas went on the powerplay. The refs must have been daydreaming about the delicious Tsingtao beer they would have after the game. After a loud exchange of profanities, Vikings managed to cool down and stay focused, killed the penalty and holding the 0-0 tie until next period. Again the intoxicated Vikings started out strong, skating all over the place, but for some reason couldn’t find the back of the net against The Wall of The Rising Sun, also known as Shin. A big quarrel occurred in front of the KP net, where Darryl “AngryMcMuffinFace” Slaney had a tantrum on a scale that’s never been seen before in SHC. With no score heading into the 3rd period, the refs decided to put their glasses on, and give the “Funk Vikings” a shot at PP. It didn’t take long before Stu “Put-It-In-The-FiveHole” Chan… put it in the five hole for the first goal of the night. Unfortunately, in the dying seconds of the game, KP managed to sneak one past Goalie Grey… Further delaying the refs from drinking their beer. After a dry üvertoime, the game went to a shootout, where Mr. “Shoot-it-Between-the-legs” Chan yet again… Shot it between the legs of the rising sun, winning it for the Vikings! When asked about the win, head Viking Klepsvik said, “Let that be a warning to everyone. When Chan’s around… Keep your legs closed.”








Three periods of regulation play couldn’t decide the Ducks/Puckhounds matchup in a critical playoff positioning game. The back and forth matchup was penalty marred and ugly with both keepers being the best penalty killer for their respective team.

The Puckhounds thought they were about to take the lead in the second period on a strong tick tack toe play from Dodd to McKelvey to Byrne when an errant defensemen’s skate blocked the open goal at the last second. Just when momentum looked to be on the Puckhounds side, Owe Mars took a hard turn and went down during a Ducks rush. The Ducks started a strong push attempting to grind down the three remaining defensemen. Puckhound goal tender Jackie stood up to the test and the game ended regulation at a 0-0 tie with the sold out crowd chanting JA-CKIE…JA-CKIE.

Overtime started with the back half of a Puckhound power play and 4 on 3 hockey. Duck goalie Shin was on his game holding the pressing Puckhounds out but the constant buzz in the zone created another Duck penalty. Puckhound captain Jason laid out the key strategy on the ensuing face off telling forward Brian Byrne to head to his office in front of the net. After a face off win and some strong movement around the zone a big rebound laid to the side of the net where Brian banged the puck home. Puckhounds taking down the Ducks 1-0 in an impressive overtime victory.

In Injury notes:

The local hospital diagnosed Owe’s injury as a fractured hip and a fatty liver.

在季后赛排位非常重要的对决中,Ducks 和 Puckhounds没法在常规时间里面分出高下。整场比赛被无休止的犯规破坏了球赛的节奏。双方门将俨如最佳的小罚杀手。

在第二节,Puckhounds在Dodd,McKelvey和Byrne纯熟的小组渗入下,差点取得入球。可惜被对方防守球员的冰刀无意识地挡出必进的空门。正当Puckhounds渐渐取得比赛的主导权时,防守球员Owe Mars在一次Ducks的冲击中不幸受伤。然后,Ducks吹起了全力反攻的集结号,务求把Puckhounds仅余的3位防守队员的体力消耗殆尽。最后,伟大的守门员Jackie挺身而出,屡救险球,直至常规时间结束0-0。场边满座的观众都高呼了守门员的名字”Ja-ckie…Ja-ckie”。

进入加时阶段,转接发生于Puckhounds在4打3的优势中。Ducks守门员稳健的表现,原来可以抵住Puckhounds进攻的压力。在源源不绝的施压下,Ducks再一次被判罚。在Puckhounds队长Jason在一次精心的部署下的争球,命令Brian Byrne必须潜在对方球门前。在赢得争球后,进攻区域里的人员涌动,突然一个反弹球出现在网侧,Brian没有浪费机会,一拍入网。最后,Puckhounds拿下Ducks,1-0 取得令人难忘的胜利。


经过医院的详细检查,Owe 被诊断出髋骨有裂缝和有脂肪肝。






Mans gets the shutout. Dogs thrash an undermanned dirty blues squad and pad some stats in a role reversal of classic blues fashion, 9-0.”

Efter ännu en enastående prestation av Bulldogs, där Måns ännu en gång håller nollan genom sitt briljanta målvaktsspel mellan stolparna. Gjorde det möjligt för de fruktade Dogs att hänsynslöst krossa ett underbemannat Dirty Blues i ett blodbad utan dess like. Vilket nu öppnar möjligheten för dem att avancera uppåt i ställningen och samtidigt trycka ner Blues till en tredje plats där dom hör hemma. Matchen slutade 9-0.







Posted by aaron