SHC Extra: Season Primer

Here we go again, Folks!

Playoffs Recap

Last season we spent the whole year down at ol’ Feiyang reporting on the game action as it unfolded, and there were a few doozies – that goes without saying. But the road to the 2017 Shangley Cup? I don’t think we here at the offices of the SHC have ever seen anything quite as intense.

Except for that time Brett “The Hitman Shart” Syer broke two goalie sticks in a row over the crossbar at a Monday shinny

Let’s do a quick recap of the playoff action for those of you who might’ve missed it: on April 8th, the year of our Lord, 2017, Both semi-final B League games went to OT, with both being decided in a shootout. And if that wasn’t enough excitement for one night, both semi-final A League games were 2-1 battles that could’ve gone either way.

So when the dust settled and Big Bad Barry Duke’s Ice Cocks squad squared up against Swizzle dick Fitz’s Bureau Chiefs for the B League battle royale, and the Slovakian-led Dirty Blues boys faced off against Boston Dan’s Binqiu Beardogs for the A League Melee, we already knew we’d be in for two historic epics that would make for one hell of a Shangley Cup Final.

We waited with bated breath for another week to see how things would unfold, and on April 15th We. Weren’t. Disappointed.

(Editor’s Note: This photo will never not make me smile)

Nobody in either locker room was ready for the electric atmosphere that was buzzing through the arena before the first matchup up the evening. Admittedly, most of the players were probably accustomed to the sparse crowds of the regular season and had likely resigned themselves to the usual cluster of passive-aggressive wives and girlfriends.

“No worries, babe, it’s soooo totally cool that I’m still here at 3:45am. No! Serrrriously, keep crushing Budweisers with your little hockey friends. I’ll waaaaiiiiiiiit” *smiles, tilts head*

What followed were two back-to-back finals that went deep into OT, proving once and for all that winning the Shangley might be one of the most difficult feats in beer league history. A special shout out goes to “Rowdy” Rikard Ivner from the Dirty Blues and Stevie “Yer Preachin’ to the Choir” Dyer from the Ice Cocks for potting the greasy double-OT dingers that ended two beautiful clashes for the A and B finals, respectively.

And with that quick recap of the days of yesteryear, we turn the page to the newest chapter in SHC history – The kickoff of the 2017-2018 season.

The Draft Party

Wow, I mean just wow, folks. When the organizers of this event called us in at the last minute to report on the party, we never would’ve imagined that the boys from the caverns underneath Feiyang could clean up so well.

Well, everyone except for this mouth-breathing prey animal

The night kicked off with a roast of the captain and exec squad from returning MC, Shane “if the women don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy” Anderson. But the REAL entertainment began when the Kunlun Red Star Cheerleader squad hit the stage to spice things up a bit.

Editor’s Note: Look, I’m not sayin’ there’s a special category of videos out there that use these same generic cheerleader uniforms, I’m just sayin’ mayyyybe I’ve hovered over a few thumbnail previews that start just like this. Not sayin’, just sayin’.

After a seemingly endless onslaught of doughy beer leaguers trying – and failing – to get these beauties’ Wechats, the frustrated cluster of human cheer transformed into a giant, interlocking cartwheel and just rolled the hell on outta the place.

(Pictured Above: Tim “Casting Couch” Cocchi looks on, dumbfounded at the cheerleader mega-cartwheel)

(Also Pictured Above: Tim learning what it means to wear a green hat in China)

When it was all said and done, and after the siren song of the cheerleaders had worn off, events played out the way they usually do at the draft party:

(No context required)

All told, the evening was a magical confluence of budding rivalries and creepy advances on disinterested Chinese models – so we’ll chalk that up to yet another win in the annals of SHC history!

Stay safe out there, see you in October, and keep your stick on the ice!