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Ducks beat down the first place APL squad(4-2). Ducks Hippy Shindy got an opening goal with his hip. And Ducks kept slight lead to the end. APL tried 6 players attack in last minutes. But Chris’ solid goal-tending and solid defense and good fore-checking didn’t allow a goal. Instead, Bergie’s shot slammed into the empty net. Bergie made 3rd hat trick since converted from D to F. As a result of week 17, APL finally lost 1st place. And Ducks moved up to 3rd place.
这周鴨队以4比2击败位于榜首的APL。在赛事开始不久，鸭队潮人Shindy以潮人奇招屁股將球打进。之后，鸭子们就一直以领先的优势帶领整场比赛。在最后数分钟，APL以六人排阵进行猛烈进攻，鸭队龙门Chris扭尽六壬撲救拦截，让APL在门前无法得分。而鸭队的Bergie，更曾空门突袭成功，由后卫改打前锋的他，三度帽子戏法，成为今场焦点。经过第17周的赛事，最新排名APL失去了榜首席位，鸭队排名上升至第三位。
Saturday’s heavyweight bout between Paper Tigers and Dirty Blues was an exciting matchup that captivated our watchful eyes this week. The PTs were without dynamic forward Yosef Natour and DBs were without number one Donald Trump supporter, Brian “everybody in the club get Trump’d” Wallace, Vanias, Marko, JK and Cole Paterson who is still recovering from leaping from a burning building. Another question mark for the DBs was Mike “last minute” Mann. Hats off to Kentaro (captain of the Ducks), who stepped in and played a hell of a game for the Dirty Blues. Goaltender Barry offered up some juicy rebounds during the first few minutes of the game while the Dirty Blues peppered him with shots. Substitute tender, Mans, controlled the game early by directing loose pucks to the corners. A stifling forecheck in the first period by the Blues created problems from the Paper Tigers. A seemingly desperate Tiger team forced a puck through the neutral zone which was broken up by the Dirty Blues defensive unit. A quick strike materialized in the other direction when Danny Guo fired a puck into the back of the net. Dirty Blues up to an early lead. Paper Tigers took possession and mustered a valiant scoring attempt but Freddy Mercury Nyquist pulled a bohemian interception and protected the one goal lead. The teams traded penalties to end the first, no harm, no foul.
As the second period began, the Dirty Blues gave up the puck as the Paper Tigers had another scoring chance. Captain JP Grimard was called for an invisible hooking penalty, as he clambered into the box leaned over the glass, as he screamed, “INCREDIBLE”. He must have been speaking about the Dirty Blues’ performance thus far. Always a classy, complementary competitor! Following a slew of penalties Captain Jan Velich was called for interference and David Badunkadunk Dunkerley for high sticking.
As Velich stepped out of the box, he put a nice mid air pass to Michael “tick tock” McClocklin who was hungry for his first point of the night. As the two titans of the A Division battled it out, the second period remained a hard fought battle. The teams traded takeaway turnovers between McClocklin and Harrison. Ryan Harrison continued his strong defensive performance for the remainder of the second period.
The DBs continued to swiftly move the puck around the Paper Tigers zone. As the puck moved back to Freddy Nyquist he unloaded with an absolute laser beam that beat Barry. After this pivotal goal, the Dirty Blues put on their blue suede shoes and danced their way to victory. Danny Guo added another bomb as the Blues kept rolling. Barry remained calm as he denied Hide on a breakaway chance.
Another goal came from Danny Guo as he took another pass from Jan and Mike to put the exclamation point on a one-sided victory. As it turned out, it was not White’s Night. The Dirty Blues have handed the Paper Tigers their only losses of the year in a convincing 4 – 1 defeat of the first place Tigers. Is it time the Paper Tigers throw in the paper towel?
The Ice Cocks and Fudogs continued their recent trend of tight games with their first early game matchup of the season. The Fudogs put the pressure on early and often, with Brent Campbell scoring on a rebound and ensuring he got it on video to watch on repeat with his strap-on Go Pro. After weathering the storm, the Ice Cocks found their legs, literally, as Mushy deftly deflected BOOMi’s pass interception with his calf and sent the winger on a partial breakaway, which he buried in his first game back. The “Roosters in Red” continued their onslaught with slick center Takagi feathering a sweet pass to BOOMi for his second goal of the game. Emergency goalie backup Shin saved some Ice Cock tail on repeated chances by the Fu Dogs, whose frustration seemed to boil over in an emotional third period, keeping the game a hotly contested by both teams till the final buzzer.
Saturday night action in the SHC saw the Killer Pandas, who are notoriously lazy and non-committal, face off against the ferocious (and cleanly shaven) Fog Devils, who were licking their lips when they saw the Panda’s reduced squad of 7 skaters hit the ice for warm-ups. The game turned into an unexpected battle, and the max capacity crowd loved every second of the action. In the end, the Pandas came out on top, 4-1.
“I don’t even know what the hell happened out there,” devilishly handsome Hans Von Meister said after the game. “I’m usually way better. Like, so good you guys. But to be honest, I kept getting distracted every time I skated back for the puck in our own end. I would catch my reflection in the glass and just be floored by the smooth-faced aerodynamic beauty looking back at me.”
Some of the dedicated, sell-out crowd, however, felt it had more to do with a big 1st intermission speech given by Panda’s team captain, Hanky-Panky Slaney, who recently found out he’s going to be the father of Irish twins for the third year in a row.
Hackin’ a dart on the bench between periods, “Slane-dog Millionaire,” as he is un-affectionately known, was seen jostling Panda’s newcomer, Brett “I can’t believe I’m finally scoring goals, this is bullshit” Simonini. After his empty-netter in the third made the game 3-1, Simonini, despite tallying a natural hat-trick, angrily skated back to the Panda’s bench, shaking his head and complaining about how his wife never puts out anymore. He declined to comment on his performance after the game, complaining instead that: “Astrill is a fucking gong show. How the hell am I supposed to watch any good porn now? All I can access is Joey Goo movies!”
The battle between the pipes also pumped some serious excitement into the enthralled masses watching feverishly from the stands. Mans Rasmussen, a fresh call-up from the Serbian elite league, flew in for the night to fill in between the pipes for the Pandas, much to the chagrin of the Devils’ call-up, Brushten Vlaodorsbk, who used to play nets for the Bosnian national squad. Rasmussen had a beauty of a night, only allowing one goal on approximately 47 shots and 2 or 3 assassination attempts by Vlaodorsbk.
Unfortunately for the Fog Devils, sharpshooter and all-round hockey legend, Wang (he need only be referred to with one name, dude’s a legend), couldn’t seem to get his mojo going against Panda defender, Joey Goo. Goo, whose actual age is a goddam mystery, came out and played defense for the pandas despite being called off the set of his newest porn flick, Joey Goo does Shanghai, Vol. 34. He had this to say after the game, “Shen me? Wo bu ming bai ni shuo shen me.” Which is usually his response to every fucking question ever. Learn some fucking English, Goo.
In other news, injury-prone Graydon Tullis made a return to the action, loaded up on a cocktail of antibiotics to fight off the drug-resistant strains of no fewer than 5 STDs he picked up on his band’s recent tour. He was seen adjusting his jock uncomfortably after potting an empty netter to make the game 4-1.
Puckhounds finally get rid of the fate of the SHC “at the bottom, with a 3-1 scores over Hairy Crabs. Puckhound in Brian Byrne and with the cooperation of plate Kaz scored early. The two goals are rebounded from the wall and frank Fielding. This tricky goal reminiscent of the late 90 s, the great Red Wings. However Puckhound momentum has slowed in the second quarter, foul appeared frequently, the reason is in the penalty area ice bucket that fresh and delicious (tsingtao beer). Dressed in a yellow shirt you have left Puckhound goalkeeper Jackie went to drink, don’t know will someone please him to drink a bottle of after the game. Fortunately strong Puckhound tenacious hold more than four dozen less crazy attack. At the time of beer to drink Puckhounds return to 5 dozen 5, depressed for a long time Harvey He in front of the door a clever hook the ball straight guide each other goal the top left corner. Crabs didn’t give up, at the end of the game when last less than 1 minutes scored a not too big a part of a 3-1 end game. Puckhound goalkeeper Jackie with his strongest performance pleasure to lead the team from the bottom, in the dressing room after the game everyone with full load of Qingdao beer to celebrate, to share his skills and abilities.
Puckhounds终于摆脱了SHC垫底的命运，以3-1的分数战胜Hairy Crabs。Puckhound在Brian Byrne和Kaz的配合下很早就取得了进球。这两个进球都是由板墙反弹并补射得分。这种刁钻的进球让人联想到90年代后期伟大的Red Wings隊。然而Puckhound的势头在第二节比赛逐渐放缓，犯规频频出现，原因是在处罚区冰桶里那新鲜可口的 [青岛啤酒]。身着黄色球衣的大家纷纷留下Puckhound守门员Jackie前去畅饮，不知道赛后会不会有人请他喝一瓶。幸运的是強大的Puckhound顽强的坚守住了4个多打少的疯狂进攻。在啤酒即将喝完的时候Puckhounds回归到了5打5，压抑很久Harvey He在门前一个巧妙的勾球直导对方球门左上角。Crabs并没有放弃，在比赛结束最后不到1分钟的时候打进了一个没有太大作用的进球以3-1结束比赛。 Puckhound守门员Jackie用他最强劲的表现带领球队挣脱垫底而感到高兴，赛后在更衣室内大家用满载的 [青岛啤酒] 一同庆祝，分享他高超的技术和能力。
In the Sunday morning edition, it was the surging Bulldogs taking on the boys in green in the Vikings who are still looking for answers to find some more Ws. Captain of the Vikings, The Viking himself, Siggy Sigve Kelpsvik, had noted the reason for their woes being it was the 5th bloody time they would to face Mans because every other damn team is without a goalie. It wouldn’t get easier as at the other end (and in the right jersey) was the talk of the league, Mans Rasmussen. The Swede stood on his head early, scrambling in the paint stopping a barrage of crease crashing opportunities. After a few weeks absence the bulldogs were also happy to see back this year’s number one overall pick and scorer leader for the Bulldogs, Cal Wong. He proved his worth with getting the Dogs on the board with two after the Vikings had solved Mans with their persistence. The game was tight and remained 3-2 late until a funny bounce on a errant pass for Wong went straight in to the back of the net which was a real dagger for the Vikings. It was really game of strange bounces that could have gone either way. The late Saturday nighter is turning in to SHC equivalent of NFL’s network’s Thursday night football where a few will tune in for the techni-color jerseys and drink a few beers but won’t stay for the slop. In the end it was Wong with all 4 and another win for the Bulldogs at 4 to 2.
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